Last night I mentioned to my parents that I bought tickets to the Nutcracker. Of course I couldn’t just say this without muttering that they cost a fortune – to which my mother (bless her sweet little soul!) told me to stop stressing about money so much. She told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying myself. I can argue all I want but I’ve long come to terms with the fact that mummy is always right.
This got me thinking. Have I forgotten how to have fun because I’m so hung up on my finances? For instance, I’ve decided to loosen my purse strings for the month of December because hey, ’tis the season and I really can’t get around gift giving and parties, right? I have a few fun things planned including the Nutcracker, the Christmas Market, a holiday meal with the bf (he’s paying for that, I’m paying for Nutcracker), a Secret Santa with friends, and some shopping across the border. This should sound like a blast – and it does – but I also can’t help but feel guilty. I’ve become so accustomed to frugality in the past several months that doing anything that, well, costs money seems like an overindulgence that I don’t deserve.
On the plus side (sort of), I gave my boss at the restaurant a bit of increased availability during the last week of December because my office will be closed for the holidays. This will provide me with a bit of extra cash flow that I’m hoping will cancel out the extra spending. I initially told myself I wouldn’t try to take extra hours that week and just relax, but I think making a few extra bucks will go a long way in helping my feelings of guilt. That’s right, I can’t even relax for a few days without feeling guilty! What have I become?
I’ve found that this has become habitual of me ever since I became serious about my money. In fact, the two days I had to call in sick for waitressing made me feel unbelievably guilty for not sticking to my budget. So much so that the next time I got sick I sucked it up and went in. This isn’t something I’m proud of and I truly hope I haven’t become so obsessed with my money that I’m willing to let it take over my life. Fact of the matter is, I just paid off $15,000 this year. I seriously need to start cutting myself some slack! Am I alone here or does anyone else obsess about their debt?